A woman turned to the “Am I The A**hole” subreddit to ask if she was in the wrong for telling her friend not to come to her birthday party if she had to bring her five-year-old daughter.

“One of my (nearly 30) friends put together a get-together at a restaurant for my birthday. The place has a bar where we’re going to be hanging out. The plan was to get a bit tipsy and order appetizers. My husband and I have a 3-year-old, but we’re hiring a babysitter for the night. We rented out a private room with a bar,” she began.

“My other friend, Missy, has a 5-year-old daughter. She mentioned she was going to bring her. I offered to pay my babysitter extra to watch her daughter. Missy said no because her daughter is in daycare all day and she doesn’t want her to have to then be with a sitter. I said I understand but I don’t think it’s appropriate for her to come.”

She goes on to explain that she knows how her group of friends can be and once the drinks start flowing, the atmosphere would not be appropriate for a child. She also revealed that she doesn’t think Missy’s daughter is super well-behaved and “doesn’t know how to act,” leaving Missy to be very “permissive” or her daughter’s behavior

The group decided to tell Missy that her daughter was not welcome at the party, and she did not take it well.

“Missy has now thrown a fit and said she’s not coming. I said I completely understand. There are events I have missed because I don’t want to leave my daughter and the group understands as we all have kids,” she continued.

If Missy still wanted to celebrate with the OP, she offered another time like a play date/lunch another time with the kids.

“I told Missy I can’t stop her from coming to the restaurant, but we absolutely will not allow her to come into the private room. She’s very hurt that we’re excluding her,” she said before also noting that Missy did not contribute to the payment for the private room.

Reddit users overwhelmingly sided with the OP, noting that she did everything she could to make the situation work for everyone involved without compromising her desires for her own party.

“NTA. You offered reasonable solutions and she refused. When a person chooses a lifestyle, they have to deal with whatever comes with it. But they aren’t entitled to special treatment, especially when people of a similar lifestyle have adapted,” one user noted.

Another echoed, “NTA this is an adult gathering and you offered a generous solution in paying your baby sitter extra to watch both kids. You are not excluding Missy, Missy is excluding herself”

“NTA I know it’s hard for some parents to understand, but I don’t give a s**t about your kid. This event is for adults, and it’s not kid-friendly, so Missy gets to make a choice: Stay home with the kid OR come to the party without the kid,” another wrote.

Maybe it would be easier to see Missy’s side if everyone else at the party was child-free and didn’t understand being a parent, but it sounds like all of these people are parents themselves who did all they could to make sure they had a child-free evening. In this case, Missy kind of excluded herself by not being willing to budge on her own boundaries when it comes to her daughter, and not going to the party seems to the consequence of that.