What a glorious night for news and yes you’re still a terrorist. I wouldn’t be surprised if you’re assembling a pipe bomb right now just to remove you from this misery.

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This is one of those times when I envy Marlee Matlin. So what of the actual terrorists? Well, it’s a funny story. After 21 years, which is roughly as long as it takes the president to pee, it appears the Pentagon has opened a plea deal with the five masterminds behind 9/11 in exchange for life sentences the five will drop all appeals and agree to substantial sentences in American prisons. Or they get to choose from what’s behind door number two. 

GREG GUTFELD: THE MEDIA ERASED THE POLITICAL AFFILIATION OF AN ACCUSED KILLER WHO IS A DEMOCRATIC OFFICIAL

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That’s what al Qaeda calls a couple of hotties. And even better, they’re virgins. At least that’s what they claimed on goat tinder. 

But what timing. They’re making deals with 9/11 hijackers when they knew we’d be distracted by 9/11. And as we make deals with accused terrorists, the head of the Department of Homeland Security is creating new terrorists using the 21st anniversary to equate Americans with the hijackers. 

ALEJANDRO MAYORKAS: The threat landscape has evolved considerably over the last 20 years. We are seeing an emerging threat, of course, over the last several years of the domestic violent extremist. An ideology of hate, anti-government sentiment, false narratives propagated on online platforms, even personal grievances. 

Even personal grievances and lies. You see what this nut bucket just did? On 9/11, he equates that attack with online lies and personal grievances, which, as you know, is 98.9% of the content that appears online. Talk about inflation. Terrorism just went from knocking the Twin Towers down to leaving a mean message on Yelp. I haven’t seen an exaggeration like that since Brian Williams and Hillary Clinton were in the Special Forces.

Personal grievances is now an emerging threat on par with al Qaeda. Terrorism – it’s just not for terrorists anymore, it’s now for people ma they didn’t get the senior discount at Denny’s. My key demo. 

You better think twice before you call to complain about your loud neighbors. You might as well plant an IED on their front lawn because according to Mayorkas, it’s part of the same spectrum of behavior, especially if your neighbor has a Biden bumper sticker on his Prius. You could end up on a watch list or on the wrong end of a drone strike. Heck, it won’t be long before you see this at the airport. 

STAFFER 1: Hello, sir. Any carry-ons? 

STAFFER 2: Just my dynamite. 

STAFFER 1: Promise not to use it on the plane?

STAFFER 2: Sure.

STAFFER 1: Enjoy your flight. Oh, my God. Oh, my God. Security! Red hat. Security, terrorists at gate 9? I repeat, terrorists at gate 9. 

STAFFER 2: Wait a second. I’m the terrorist here. This is stolen valor. You know how hard it is to get dynamite when you’re on the watch list. 

STAFFER 1: Please take your seat. 

STAFFER 2: No, I want an apology. 

STAFFER 1: How about a drink voucher? 

STAFFER 2: No alcohol, please, okay. I’m on antibiotics. 

STAFFER 1: It’s a virgin daiquiri. 

STAFFER 2: In that case, I’ll take 72. Thank you so much. 

Now, maybe I’m exaggerating, which I’ve done a million times. A little humor there. But you see what’s going on, right? 

When this jackass says the threat landscape has evolved, he’s really saying we’ve gone ahead and widened it, which is normal if you’re Brian Stelter’s tailor and you’re talking about his pants. But this is to stoke fear ahead of the mid-terms and keep you from voting red. 

And this jerk is playing the good political soldier. Grouping all activities under a single threat heading. It’s not good. Terror is in the eye of the politically aggrieved now. 

So an insult on Twitter can just be a stepping stone to flying a plane into a building. But like the president’s drool, this kind of threat only flows one way. They don’t seem to mind rhetoric online when it’s coming from unhinged liberals or even violence. 

The Democrat leader who allegedly murdered a Las Vegas journalist is still on the payroll. Apparently, he is not a threat. In fact, some in the media said it’s Trump’s fault when Democrats attack journalists. 

Karen Bass, the Democrat mayor candidate for L.A., mysteriously lost a pair of guns. Nothing to see there. 

An illegal migrant beheads a lady in Silicon Valley. I guess to the DHS, it was just a bad haircut. The victim should have called a social worker. But you’re worse than all of them because of your beliefs. And now you’re worse than al Qaida. 

You know, I’m starting to think maybe we shouldn’t have given the government these powers to fight terrorism in the first place. They use them against the president and now they’re using them on us. And remember, Mayorkas is the same guy who allowed a tragic spike in migrant drownings due to the unfettered flow of illegal immigration. Instead, he preferred to falsely smear one of his employees, a Border Patrol agent, for doing the job that he won’t do. 

I’m beginning to think this a** is employed to make Kamala look competent. It’s not working. But anyway, under his watch, we’ve seen Americans die by hundreds of thousands from fentanyl that’s coming through the border. 

What a convenient way to weaken the domestic threat. Or maybe that’s his idea of winning the war on drugs. Let the users die. But if we were to do the numbers in terms of American deaths, that alone would make Mayorkas many times worse than al Qaeda. A couple of thousand victims a day, every day. You call that homeland security? You pointy eared chrome domed gremlin. 

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What he’s doing is hundreds of thousands of times worse than January six. But we get it. This is happening as the Justice Department has issued roughly 40 subpoenas this past week in connection with January six and efforts to overturn the election. All this as real terrorists pour through our border like a fart through an N95 mask. I don’t know why I know that. 

Which sets the stage for more January six hearings, which the media embraces for its distractive power. Because when it comes to real issues, the Dems suck. Crime, inflation, the border. Like an electric car in California, they got nothing to run on except for you. They’re going to run on you. You’re the issue. You’re the problem. And so the hunt is on. In the good old days, the bad guy would be a terrorist hijacker. Now it’s just someone in a red hat. But I guess that’s easier than having the FBI plan kidnappings.