The division of labor between men and women has long been debated, especially as families, capitalism, and the American Dream have changed. For generations, women worked in the home, doing domestic labor, and men worked outside the home, wiping their hands of most domestic duties. But while times have changed, gendered tasks — and some of the outdated ideas attached to them — remain a point of contention.

“I was tagged in a video a woman posted earlier where she was talking about gendered divisions of labor,” shares Michael Vaughn on TikTok (@world.shaker). “There was a comment from a guy that I thought was really weird because he was like, ‘Oh, so when a guy works a 12-hour day and then comes home and changes the oil, that’s a thankless task.'”

He then dives deeper into gendered tasks. “It’s just this larger trend that I when men reply to videos like this, and they say, ‘Oh, well, you want equality? You take out the trash. You change the oil. You do the yard work.’ I think it’s interesting when you contrast those types of tasks with the tasks that are typically ‘women’s tasks.'”

Because here’s the thing, says Vaughn, “How often are you changing the oil? Tasks that we associate with women, like dishes and laundry, those are perpetual. They never end. You are never fully done with either. And when tasks are perpetual, they become invisible because they’re expected.”

I believe this is what you would call a “mic drop” moment.

Vaughn points out that most of these kinds of comments he sees from men describe tasks that are infrequent, done independently (i.e., without kids hanging onto your limbs while you work), and often quick. Think: taking out the trash.

“They’re also somewhat performative because it’s obvious when they’ve been done,” he says. “That’s not to say that the lawn doesn’t need to be mowed because it does, but it’s obvious when it’s been mowed. You can see it.”

So, men expect the “atta boy” or “great job on the lawn, honey” since they know their task will be noticed. To that point, Vaughn says women have even shared with him that they’ve literally left the vacuum cleaner out because, otherwise, their husbands wouldn’t acknowledge that they’d done anything.

The comment section of Vaughn’s video is full of women confirming this frustrating paradigm.

“And how often do those guys actually take the trash out without having to be reminded 10 times? Then they call their wife a nag,” said Erica.

“If my husband cleans, I get a tour of everything he’s done 😂 So, I’ve started asking for praise for my tasks,” said Groucho.

“Heck yeah! I will handle trash, the lawn, and oil changes! You have inside the house now! Good luck,” joked Jadedtales.

“Divorced. Old farmhouse on two acres. I do everything now. STILL have way more free time than when he lived here,” revealed Meredith.

“You also don’t see the meal planning, the schedule organizing, the time figuring out what everyone in the house needs…,” Mrs. Will.

“The ‘tasks’ my husband does in the house, ‘yard work,’ ‘car maintenance,’ are things he actually enjoys doing. No one enjoys doing laundry,” said AmBledsoe.

Vaughn’s audio has been shared multiple times, some by women posting videos of their typical days, including the meals they make, chores they do, and work they put in.

Every time his words are shared, they’re met with commiseration from tired moms and some supportive spouses (there are good ones out there!), but still plenty of dudes in desperate need of a pat on the back.

Vaughn struck a nerve for a reason: There’s so much truth to what he says.

Often, Dad does the “chores” of his choosing — alone and relatively quickly — and then returns to his leisure time. The family won’t come to a screeching halt if he forgets his so-called “thankless tasks” because, let’s face it, Mom will just step in and do his chores, too.

She’ll haul out the trash in the morning or use her leftover budget to just pay for the oil change. And she’ll do it all while entertaining her kid, planning the next meal, and going over bills in her head.

So, yeah… perpetual.